I've made a couple of minor changes to this poem, but this is pretty much what I wrote when I came back from my walk that day. It was inspired by a conversation with Kerry who told me to start close in. Start Close In is the name of a poem by David Whyte. I listened to him recite this in the days leading up to this walk.

I'm Ready to Speak
Nobody cares what you think,

whispers a voice deep within. 

So deep I needed help from my ancestors to hear it. 

Yet it has roamed freely, 

questioning my motives, 

erecting walls, 

silencing my heart, 

stopping me in my tracks. 

It is only trying to protect me. 

But it wasn't the voice that was buried. 

It was my dreams and desires.

Play it safe.

Stay quiet. 

Keep your opinion to yourself. 

No one cares.

But I care. 

I care deeply. 

And the times I really cared,

I dared. 

I said what I felt needed to be said, 

when it mattered 

and often in the service of others. 

To protect others from a similar fate 

or a fate they didn't deserve. 

To right a wrong.

To challenge an injustice. 

To play fair. 

And then I'd retreat. 

Now I choose to use my voice on demand. 

Not only when it is urgent. 

But still in the service of others. 

And if no one cares,

well, that's fine too. 

I'll survive. 

I'll even thrive. 

But maybe, just maybe, hearing what I think will help others uncover what they think 

and help them find their voice. 

And in the meantime

I'll meet my voice deep inside with compassion 

and let it know it's okay to rest, 

to rest knowing that its job here is done.

And I'll thank that voice for keeping me safe. 

And assure it I'm ready to face the anguish. 

I love you. I needed you. And if you love me, you'll set me free. 

I'm ready to speak.

Susan Ní Chríodáin, April 17th 2022